The day was cold and wet as I drove to Brita Long’s legal office. Anticipating dark wood paneling, walls covered from floor to ceiling with leather bound books and plush maroon or hunter green carpet; I was hoping that there would be enough light for me to see the lines on my notepad.

So it was a delight when I entered her reception area and bright lights enhanced light-colored walls and carpet. It was as if the sun was shining, illuminating the comfortable, warm surroundings I found myself in. After a few minutes, Brita, a vivacious woman who, at 37 appears to be much younger came out to greet me.

As we settled in her office, the warm environment followed. I commented on how warm and inviting the atmoshpere was. “My surroundings are pretty important to me,” she said. I could see that it was true, as they were a reflection of her – a casual elegance – tasteful but not intimidating.

Born in Prescott, Arizona, Brita’s teenage mother gave her up when she was six months old. A single, 48 year-old woman adopted Brita. “My mother was one of the most successful people you’d ever meet. She was honest, had great friendships and was happy and content with her life,” she said. “She never made over $15,000 a year as a nurse. She was highly educated, never  married and would laugh if anyone said she was a victim of circumstance. ‘Who else was going to take care of me?’ she’d respond.”

As a child, Brita was shy, but that began to change at an early age. When she was 12, she was molested by an adult and at 14, gave birth to her son, Jonathan. Her mother supported Brita in her decision to keep her child, even though Brita was accused by others of ‘fooling around,’ and living a sinful life. She tells me, “I was immature. However, I couldn’t comprehend what raising a child meant other than it being fun and cute. I don’t regret the decision, but I don’t recommend anyone having a child at a young age.”

With her mother’s help raising Jonathan, Brita finished high school and earned a degree from the nearby community college. She decided to move to Phoenix and attend Arizona State University (ASU), ignoring what others warned would be her life: “You were cut out to have a high school diploma, maybe two years of college and have kids with Joe Schmoe…”

Brita leaned across her desk and said, “I felt like I owed my son. He didn’t ask for a life with such a young mother and no father, so I was going to be damned if I wasn’t going to give him a good life.”

That wasn’t the only motivation she had for leaving home to continue her education. “It was the most frightening thing I ever did but I didn’t want to wait tables the rest of my life. In the back of my head, I kept thinking I don’t want to be homeless when I’m 60.”

Brita waited tables while attending ASU. Her focus was getting through school and keeping a roof over their heads. She wanted to give Jonathan as normal a childhood as possible. “When the choice is to work that extra shift or stay at home with your child, it may have been better for Jonathan to have stayed at home,” she said. “But that shift was an extra 40 bucks, and 40 bucks was a lot of money. I regret a lot of those decisions, but I didn’t have an alternative.”

She finished school with undergraduate degrees in psychology and political science. She now had to ask herself, “What are you going to do with that?”

She took a year off from school and worked at a law firm in Phoenix. With a full time job and normal hours, she could be with Jonathan before and after school. Of course, it wasn’t enough for her vision. During her time at the firm, she started prepping for law school. “Attorneys knew more than I did, but on a basic level they were not smarter than I was and I knew I could be a lawyer.” Her high scores on the Law School Admissions Test (LSAT), her good grades and references got Brita into law school.

After graduation, she tired of Arizona and moved to Seattle where she had family and friends. On the first try, she passed her bar exam and started working for Lewis County as a Deputy Prosecuting Attorney. When Brita saw other attorneys working on their own, she thought, “If they can do it I can do it.”

In the fall of 2000, she started her own business specializing in family law and recently has added emphasis in employment law. It was a struggle the first few years because, as she said, “They don’t teach you about business in law school.”

When I asked Brita what motivated her to accomplish what she did as a single mom, she said, “I fundamentally changed when I was being molested. I knew this was very wrong and I didn’t like it. I had such a visceral reaction that I was never going back there and would never again lose control over my life. No one was going to make me feel that way again.”

“Anybody can do what I did,” she continued. “Everything happens for a reason, and every bad thing that’s happened to me has resulted in something better coming along.” She noticed my wrinkled brow and said, “When something bad happens, just try to relax and don’t react to it. Let it play out; there’s always something better around the corner.”

“That takes courage,” I said.

“Not courage,” she answered. “Alternatives. It’s all up to the individual person–what they want in life and what they get is a result of their choices every single day.”

I watched Brita look down at her desk to read a clipping taped to it. She read, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about creating yourself.”

“In my job I see a lot of women not taking responsibility for their lives. A lot of women are afraid of change, even if they know it would be good for them. They’re in their little safety zone. The problem with that is it’s a false sense of security.”

I asked her what advice she’d give to women of all ages.

“It’s up to you to create whatever life you want. Figure out what kind of job, partner, husband, income, lifestyle, body etc. you want and then go get it. I hear women complain time and time again about their income, ex-husband, the father of their children, etc. and I think to myself, ‘you chose him as the father of your children–you chose your education level and this job opportunity and income–this didn’t just happen to you.’ I think that many times women are their own worst enemy and they just take what comes their way instead of going out and getting what they really want. They need to start being self reliant. And I think that many times, the powers that be reinforce dependency rather than promote self reliance. This victim mentality is just that, and it’s not going to get you anywhere. So you can sit there and make excuses for every bad thing that’s happened in your life, or you can get off your duff and have whatever life you want to have with self respect and control. No successful person I’ve ever been around has made excuses for themselves, had a victim mentality or felt like somebody else should take care of them. And I’m not just talking about having financial success. I’m talking about personal achievements, self respect and healthy relationships.”

As an example of self respect and caring for yourself,  Brita told me of her first purchase from Tiffany’s. “I felt guilty about it. It wasn’t the dollar amount; it was, ‘How   can you buy yourself something from Tiffany’s?’ Then I thought, ‘If you don’t care enough about yourself to buy yourself something at Tiffany’s, why would anybody else? If you don’t respect yourself you cannot expect anyone else to respect you.’ There’s no glory in being a martyr. In ‘oh you know, I didn’t get to take care of myself today because I  did everything for everybody else.’ It is not about being selfish; it is about caring about yourself so that you can care for others.”

Besides writing a book for lawyers on what they don’t teach you in law school, Brita does photography for weddings and families, loves to entertain, reads books on décor and cooks when she has the time. She and her husband Mitch have been married three years and live with his two sons, Zach and Jeremy, and Jonathan is a junior at the University of Washington.  

I asked if she has any more goals and advice. “Look at every day as an opportunity and move forward. That’s the beauty of life. Don’t be complacent about it. Sometimes I’m scared to death because I’m 37 and there’s so much I want to do in life. I don’t want to die without having experienced a croissant in front of the Eiffel Tower and 1,000 other things on my list. Experiences are out there. Choose them, create them and do them.”

When the interview ended, I returned to my car and noticed the sun had come out. While driving home, the remnants of a rainbow lingered. I thought of Brita and how the wind and rain on my drive to the interview represented the early years of her life. And now the skies were clear and sunny, signifying her triumph over the storm. I realized that I had chosen to drive to Brita’s office to do the interview instead of sitting in front of a fire, reading a book and staying dry. And because of that choice, I met a most engaging and inspiring woman—one who taught me so much in such a short time.

So all you women out there, when the next storm comes, make the choice to ignore it and go out anyway and do what you have to do to get what you want. Because it won’t be long before the sun will shine on you too.